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Below are the 6 most recent journal entries.

	2004.07.27  17.12 just because she needs a diet... my mom had a friend over this morning and they were talking about whether all of us kids had braces. my mom told her the story of how when i had my braces my teeth hurt so bad that i couldn't eat, i lost a bunch of weight and my hair started falling out at an alarming rate. then she said "you never really recovered from that. you're still too skinny." and then went on to talk to her friend and my sister about how skinny i am. my sister even agreed with them! when i gave her a look like "wtf!?" she said "well, you are." i wish. i was like 19 when i had braces, that was three years ago. after my teeth healed i went a bit nuts and went up to 155 pounds, which, at 5'11" is about where my mom thinks i should be but god help me if i ever get up there again. then she made me eat a roast beef sandwich! ick! i only ate half of it and quietly threw the other half away. why does she think she can talk about my weight with her friends? it's not their business. Mood: annoyed Music: Blur - Song 2

	2004.07.22  20.24 sick sick sick Ugh, so bad lately, that's why i haven't updated. i've felt pretty okay about it though, which is weird. This has cycled on and off for me the last seven or eight months so i guess that's normal. i feel like it's time to shape back up. i can start exercising again when school starts and in the mean time i've been busting my ass doing yard work and all the little things they tell fat people to do, like park your car far away and take the stairs instead of the elevator. While i've been eating "normally" i haven't been eating disgustingly. i was still managing to skip a meal here and there, but maybe eating normal for a while was okay because now people aren't suspicious. my sister saw me wolf down a huge meal from boston market (well, huge to me) and my mom made pasta the other day and i had seconds(!) uck. i feel like i want to throw up my dinner but i won't, i'll just have that bit it for tonight (except maybe diet coke or water to fill up my belly) and tomorrow will be a new day. maybe i'll do that fast that's all over the communities. i'll be a late starter but late is better than never, huh? i'll post some pics of my fat tummy soon.

	2004.07.16  15.50 today seems to be a really good day for everybody on the communities but really bad for me. i ate a lot and the day isn't even half over. i don't want to list it because it's too depressing but it included strawberry short cake. ugh. i gues i can do better tomorrow, huh.

	2004.07.14  14.18 the food is there. i wonder if eating really really spicy foods is good or bad or doesn't matter. i had a small bit of noodles and put a bunch of spice on them so i didn't have to put any sauce or anything on them. it's burning my lips but it's kind of good... good punishment for eating i suppose. god i hate being at work when people bring "treats" in! most days there are brownies in the break room or cookies or a cake for someone or we're having a pizza party (always just pepperoni and sausage... eww! not even plain cheese!). that's why all the old women i work with are fat disgusting cows. seriously, all they do is sit on their asses in their chairs and blab about menopause with eachother and shove brownies down their throats. uck it makes me nauseous to even think about. maybe i can have a little lunch today because i'm going to be outside scraping and painting the house for hours and hours. that's good exercise, yeah? i don't want to get dehydrated and faint when i'm on a ladder either, but all i've had is diet coke today. maybe i should have water. today: coffee 1/2 cup noodles bite of sub sandwich (sick, want to throw up) diet coke Mood: aggravated Music: Azure Ray - The Drinks We Drank Last Night

	2004.07.13  12.01 breakfast/lunch 1/3 cup bran cereal skim milk 10 grapes diet coke, lime not even 200 calories. but that's more than enough for now. i don't have to eat until much much later today, like another 9 or 10 hours when my boyfriend wants to have dinner. last time i went to the bank after i made dinner and he ate by himself. that didn't make him happy at all but i don't think he's on to me yet. he just thought it was odd that i would pick out dinner at the store, cook it, and then not eat any of it. i told him i wasn't hungry and that i needed to go to the bank before i got too tired. but yesterday i said i wasn't hungry and he said "as usual..." in a sort of annoyed way. Mood: accomplished

	2004.07.10  20.07 first day according to fitday.com i had 478 calories today, but that was before i decided i am going to fast for at least 24 hours. on the upside, based on my weight/height/metabolism i burned 2504 calories today. i'm already feeling faint and weak... it's been about 4 hours since i ate (half a cup of green grapes). i don't know how i'm going to get through the rest of this day. we are going to a movie tonight too, so there will be popcorn and candy and soda everywhere. maybe i will get a diet coke, but don't those still have a few calories? maybe water is better.